How to get a free upgrade on your long haul flights

I know what you're thinking - upgrades are urban myths!

Believe me, I used to have the same belief as you - especially when I flew enough to attain silver level on my frequent flyer program that I signed up to within a matter of a handful of months and nothing.

It didn't matter if I was flying by myself, or with someone or if I asked for it or asked for nothing and got zippo!

Any each time I would think to myself, how the hell do you get it - I'd spoken to people previously who got it for random things, like there was a baby next to them or something like that - one time flying out of Hong Kong I was showered down upon during take off from all the condensation built up in the fuselage, and I'm talking I was soaked properly.

It was too the point that I was put into a crew seat which had no entrainment or leg room only to be returned to a seat that had plastic down on it - now imagine planes aren't generally the best air conditioned vehicles in the world at the best of times, and wearing a pair of jeans whilst you're sitting in the same seat and virtually the same positions for hours can cause you to get a little sweaty, even for the less sweaty amongst us!

Don't get me wrong, I was given a nice bottle of wine down from first class - but I would have preferred a business class seat for my troubles.

It wasn't until I was leaving Heathrow one day back to Melbourne and it happened - well not straight away (that I knew).

Heathrow is a bloody busy place at the best of times, let alone on a Saturday afternoon - the queues were massive in all directions, and I knew I had my silver class which gives me priority check in so I went to the business check in only to be sent down the other end. Wheeling my luggage down, I then got told to go back to where I'd just been?

Half way down, I saw the priority bag drop, so I went onto the screen checked in and over to the desk to throw the bags on - now to give you a better idea, I was wearing a very lovely V-neck jumper I bought from H&M which was very preppy (which is funny, because I'm not the preppy kind of guy) and had my Polo by Ralf Lauren scarf that I just picked up from Harrods after lunch there (very nice) - so I was pretty well dressed, plus the fact I'm incredibly good looking (not as good looking as the class referred to in an earlier bog "hot guys vs hot girls" but right up there.

I checked, didn't say too much, and went through.

I sat at the gate waiting to board - now I typically am very happy to be the last one walking down the aisle of the plane, because lets face it what's the first guy on there thinking? "Oh, I'll get on early and get comfortable wedge my legs in under the seat between the bar and the box for the entertainment" - what? No thanks...

Just as the last few were walking through the gate I lined up in the queue - now what makes me laugh now is that there was this really obnoxious bloke in the queue over talking about upgrades and how he always mentions he's a silver level, blah blah blah - I'm thinking yeah good on you mate. I walk through hand over my boarding pass only to be told "Mr Bartlett, you've been upgraded"

That was ace - so ace that when we pulled into Bangkok I didn't get off in case they changed their mind half way through!

Then just recently going back to the UK, this time with my girlfriend (sorry ladies - the sounds of hearts breaking everywhere), just as we were walking to the car, I changed my mind and went back inside to change - I was wearing a pair of cargo shorts, a hoody and thongs (for your feet) and put some nice jeans and V-neck on - still with the thongs though.

At the airport back through the business check in I must admit I did have to argue a little to let the woman check us in there (which I'm fairly confident was never going to do me any favours), but then we settled into conversation about why we were going, blah blah, when it happened - "I have some great news you've been upgraded to business!"

You wouldn't believe twice in a row - and all the way through as well!

The best thing apart from better food, wine and bed about upgrades is you get to take a shower and reset during the stop overs - it's so much more comfortable, plus you get free pyjamas as well!

So now I know V-necks definitely work.

Coming back, however was a different story - again this time with my Gant V-neck (very nice) and Polo scarf (in case you missed before, very nice) - however, the night before I'd been out in Islington with some mates finishing at the Walk About, an Australian themed pub somewhat lacking in Australian, but anyway... My eyes were puffy and a little bit closed, and I'd been a little bit sick that morning, combined with a definite air of bourbon and snake bites (I think I'll do something on snake bites at some stage too) - fully expecting to get an upgrade through sheer pity, but no, nothing damn it!

So there we have it, I believe the combination to those magical upgrades - a nice V-neck jumper, and/or scarf, and devoid of smells from the night before!